| NEED A LAUGH OR DO YOU NEED REALITY | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
| BLONDES | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Inventions by Blondes *the waterproof towel *glow in the dark sunglasses *solar powered flashlights *submarine screen doors *a book on how to read *inflatable dart boards *a dictionary index *mechanical pencil sharpeners *powdered water *pedal-powered wheel chairs *waterproof tea bags *watermelon seed sorter *zero proof alcohol *reusable ice cubes *see-through toilet tissue *skinless bananas *do-it-yourself road map *turnip ice cream *toe implants *an all white flag *Rolls Royce pick-up truck any more blonde jokes e-mail me some and they will get posted!!! | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| MEN | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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What Men Really Mean "Its a guy thing." really means..."There is no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance at all of making it logical." "Can I help with dinner?" really means..."Why isn't dinner ready yet?" "Sure honey, yes dear." He really means... absolutely nothing. Its a conditioned response "Take a break honey, your working to hard." really means..."I can't hear the game over the vaccuum cleaner." "That's interesting dear." ..."Are you still talking?" "Thats womens work."... "Its difficult, dirty, and thankless." "I was just thinking about you, and got you roses."..."The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe." "Hey, I've got my reasons for doing this."..."And I sure hope I think of some soon." "I can't find it."..."It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless." "What did I do this time?"..."What did you catch me at?" "I heard you."..."I haven't the foggiest clue what you said, and I'm hoping deseprately that I can fake it well enough so you don't spend the next three days yelling at me." "You know i could never love anyone else."..."I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse." "You look terrific."..."Oh, God, please don't try on another outfit. I'm starving." | |||||||||||||||||||||||
| MARRIAGE | ||||||||||||||||||||||||
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Marriage is like... | Going to a restraunt...you order what you want,then you see what the other person has, and you wish you ordered that. At a cockatail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" The other said,"Yes, I married the wrong man." After a quarrel, a husband said to his wife,"You know I was a fool when I married you. She replied, "Yes, dear but I was in love and I didn't notice." The bride, upon her engagement, went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother said "What do you want from me sympathy?" Man is incomplete when he is married. Then he is just finished. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" His father replied,"I don't know son, I'm still paying." Young son:"Is it true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad:"That happens in every country son." There was a man who once said "I never knew real happiness was until I got married, then it was to late." A women was telling her friend, "It is I who made mh husband a millionare." "And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend. The women replied, "A billionaire." "The trouble with being the best man at a wedding is you never get to prove it." Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. Second marriage is the triumph of hope over exprience.
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